6 Common Mistakes Couples Make With Their Wedding Guest List, According to Experts
And how to avoid them in the planning process.
After announcing their engagement, The Bride may take some time to enjoy the excitement before starting the planning process. Along with choosing a wedding date, securing a venue, and hiring vendors, creating the guest list is a crucial early step. Deciding who to invite can be a challenging task, often causing stress during the initial phases of wedding preparation. Questions like who to include, how many guests parents can invite, and whether distant relatives should be on the list can make this process overwhelming.
Expert Advice on Wedding Guest Lists
“We always ask our couples when they start their guest list, ‘When you walk down the aisle, who do you want to see there? Who would you miss?,’” says Elizabeth Hall, a wedding event planner. “Your wedding day is ultimately about you and your partner, so first and foremost, you should share it with the people you really want to witness the moment, not who you feel like should be there.”
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Ahead, experts share some of the most common mistakes couples make when creating their wedding guest list—and how to avoid them.
6 Common Mistakes Couples Make With Their Wedding Guest List
When creating guest list, there may be challenging discussions with parents and future in-laws about who to invite to the special day. However, there are other unexpected pitfalls to watch out for when finalizing the guest list. Here, experts outline six common mistakes couples make in this process.
Inviting Too Many People
Many couples often misjudge the number of guests who will decline their invitation to The Wedding, leading to inviting an excess of guests, as mentioned by Jessica Bishop, the founder and CEO of The Budget Savvy Bride. It is crucial to consider that most guests may RSVP positively, so it is advisable to plan for a full attendance. Your budget and the venue’s capacity restrictions should be the primary factors guiding you in determining and adhering to a guest count that aligns with your comfort level.
Not Inviting Plus-Ones
When creating The Wedding’s invite list, the topic of plus-ones can spark debate. Etiquette expert Suzy Lines suggests that if a desired guest has a long-term partner, it’s courteous to offer them a plus-one, even if you’re unfamiliar with that individual. If space or budget constraints prevent this, communicate in advance to manage expectations. Lines advises, “Don’t be surprised if they decline. Consider how you would feel attending a celebration of love without your partner.”
It’s important to note that not everyone warrants a plus-one. For instance, if a friend has just begun a new relationship, it’s not obligatory to extend the invitation. However, for guests in established relationships, it’s thoughtful to invite them, regardless of their marital status. Hall emphasizes, “It’s best not to separate couples unless it’s a very intimate wedding with fewer than 50 attendees. If your main guest is in a committed relationship, both partners should be included on the guest list.”
Inviting Out of Obligation
Do you feel obligated to invite your mom’s coworker or your second cousin to The Wedding? According to etiquette expert Jamila Musayeva, you are not really required to do so. She advises that inviting people you barely know, like distant relatives or acquaintances, can unnecessarily increase your guest list and strain your budget. Instead, prioritize inviting those who truly matter and are significant in your lives and future. Focus on inviting people who have supported both of you as individuals and as a couple, and who you genuinely want to share your special day with.
Not Enforcing Limits With Family Members
According to Musayeva, the guest list can quickly expand beyond control when family members add their own guests. To avoid potential conflicts later on, it is essential to address this issue early in the planning process, setting clear boundaries on the number of guests they can invite. Bishop advises that when parents contribute financially, they may expect more say in the guest list. Therefore, it is crucial to establish upfront how many guests they can invite to avoid any uncomfortable situations.
Not Addressing Invitations Clearly
It all begins with the envelope, according to event planner Lauren Ashley. Addressing The Wedding invitation correctly and clearly provides guests with a clear idea of who is invited to the wedding. “If you’re inviting kids to the wedding, always include ‘and family’ to indicate that children are allowed,” she suggests. “I also recommend including the number of guests on the RSVP card to indicate how many people are attending.” For example, if you’re inviting a couple and their two children, make sure it’s evident that four people are included on the RSVP card. If the children are not invited, do not include “and family” and make sure that the RSVP card indicates the invitation is only for two.
Not Considering Group Dynamics
It is essential to consider group dynamics to prevent any potential conflicts or discomfort, advises Musayeva. Neglecting the balance of guest dynamics can lead to awkward situations, like inviting an ex-partner or excluding a member of a close group of friends,” she explains. “If you invite one individual from a close-knit group, it is usually best to include everyone.”
Tips for Creating a Flawless Wedding Guest List
Looking to steer clear of these typical errors? Below, professionals share advice on crafting the ideal guest list for your special day.
Emphasize that this day is uniquely yours
Your wedding day is exclusively yours. Your guest list should mirror this sentiment. Ashley advises not feeling pressured to invite unfamiliar or incompatible family members. She stresses the significance and cost of the event, highlighting the importance of having supporters and cherished individuals present on your special day.
Create a Priority List and Secondary List
Bishop recommends establishing a priority list of essential guests who must be invited to The Wedding Palette and a secondary list of “nice to have” individuals like coworkers and distant relatives. Start by sending invitations to those on your priority list. If some are unable to attend, you can then invite guests from your secondary list without surpassing the venue’s capacity.
Keep Cultural and Family Traditions in Mind
Consider incorporating any cultural or family traditions into The Wedding Palette planning process early on, suggests Musayeva. Addressing these expectations with family members can prevent conflicts later on.
Establish Guidelines for Children in Advance
When extending invitations to guests who have children, it is essential to provide them with sufficient notice to make arrangements for childcare and determine whether they will be bringing their kids to the celebration. For instance, in the case of a destination wedding where children are included, parents will need to plan for their travel; if children are not included, they will need to secure alternative care for them. Musayeva recommends setting clear guidelines regarding children early on and communicating them to your guests promptly. It is crucial to decide if your event will allow children, be child-free, or only accommodate immediate family children. This choice can have a significant impact on your guest list and should be explicitly stated on the invitations.